Those of you with chronic depression will probably understand this post, those who don’t…
I just feel lousy and I think it’s emotional. I thought I was getting better, I’m not crying over everything anymore and I am not so angry and helpless feeling. But the past week or so I just feel worse than ever. I am exhausted all of the time, I could sleep for 12 hours and still feel exhausted. I am angry with life in general and I just feel like I could cry at odd times. I am not having the nightmares I was having but only because I take Clonopin to keep them away. If I try to wean myself off of the Clonopin I have nightmares.
How can you have nightmares about a scene you didn’t witness? How can an odor set off a complete breakdown?
Did I mention the headaches? I have horrible headaches to go along with my exhaustion. I go to bed at 7 PM, it’s all I can do to make sure the kids are fed, clothed and cared for. Anything else is beyond the scope of my physical and emotional limitations at this point.
I don’t understand why I’m still so sad all of the time, so tired, so just physically not feeling well.
I don’t know if it’s the uncertainty in where we will end up in a few months, if it’s Joe’s lack of work still (they haven’t started him yet and we haven’t heard a word from them), if it’s not understanding how this fire happened, not having anything that belongs to me surrounding me, I just don’t know.
All I know is I feel sad and miserable all of the time and I wish it would stop.