Who are these kids and why are they calling me mom?

Sometimes you just have to put on your big girl panties and deal with it

A few clouds, and a bit of sunshine I hope September 17, 2008

Filed under: Fire,Kids,Life — Steph @ 10:23 pm

My kitten is gone, she’s been gone 3 days, there is a huge field behind my mom and dad’s house and Joey and I walked the field yesterday and didn’t find her.  Thankfully we didn’t find her dead which would have been too much for us to handle, but I am afraid maybe a predator grabbed her.  She just wouldn’t stay put in the house the bugger.  😦

I did spend $85 putting an ad in the newspaper in the lost and found so I am really, REALLY praying someone finds her!!!  If you have her?!  Please return her as my 8-year-old is absolutely destroyed over the loss of ANOTHER of his beloved pets and actually spent some time contemplating why God is punishing him.  😦

The insurance company is definitely calling the house a total loss, it’s just a matter of them getting off their butts and doing it.  The bad thing though is they want an itemization.  I think I mentioned before but I forget because of my meds, so if I did already cover this then I am sorry!  I am not sure how you itemize 8 years of your life?!  How do you put a value on every photo, hand me down piece of heirloom furniture, toy your child loved, book, magazine, piece of furniture your child scratched learning to use scissors, etc…??  I really just wanted to scream at them today!!  I know it’s common and I know it’s standard, but it’s just cruel.  It forces us to go room by room through the destruction of what we spent so much time building and face each and every thing we lost.  It’s not like we lost a chair, or a couch, or some carpet, we lost every item we own, every school paper taped to the fridge, every report card Joey’s accumulated, all of his baby teeth the “Tooth Fairy” had been leaving behind for me, every mark on every wall made by a crayon, or a tantrum.  <sigh>  It’s just a daunting and truly just devastating task to put a value on your entire world.

Joey is still struggling some, his nightmares are getting better I think, he’s less restless at night, but he’s having headaches in the afternoon that tell me he’s not getting enough rest still, and he’s worrying still.  He’s distracted at school and generally sad.  To see my normally bubbly, active, son so sad in his soul is just devastating.  I will say though, the school is helping him through it.  They are “coddling” him to some extent and forcing him to deal with some things as well, they have found a decent balance and have been wonderful at keeping in touch with me to let me know how he’s doing.  His asthma is flaired which is 100% stress and fatigue and he’s on higher doses of his preventative meds than he’s ever been, but I do think some of the weight is lifting and some of the light is coming back in to his eyes, even despite the loss of “HIS kitten” as he calls her.

Joe has many applications in so we’re hopeful on that front.

Elizabeth is starting to really get restless and ornery and really is just challenging everything.  I think she is getting home sick.  How do you deal with a two year old who is homesick for a home that will never be again??  This has been my  biggest challenge.  Not just mine really, ALL of ours, because she is restless and knows things aren’t right but is too young to understand why, or how or that they can’t be “right” in the same way again.  <sigh>

Now, enough of the gloom and doom because there has been so much and on to some positives!!

1. Joey’s school did a toy drive for him and he has been given several hand me down toys, and some did give him new or hand made items.   He was SO touched by this and treasures each and every item.  There’s nothing to teach your child how to cherish what they have like having it all ripped away does!  I wish he hadn’t learned this way, but I will say he has a new respect for each and every item he owns from his socks to his underwear to his Pokemon card collection that thankfully was in the truck with his dad and not in the house.

2. Joey’s school wants to do a fundraiser for us next week, I am so touched by all they have done and I feel like I have said thank you a zillion and ten times this week alone and will never say it enough!!!

3. Several friends from the hedgehog community sent me cards that lifted my spirits, and some got together and sent us a $300 Wal-Mart gift card!  I can’t even tell you how much that will come in handy!!  When you start to think of what it takes to stock a home, it adds up very quickly!!  Others sent their own private funds to us, and many who have sent us money actually have their own needs and struggles, I am so very touched by all of you caring so much!!!

4. My MIL’s office took up a collection and today sent us a $1225.00 Wal-Mart gift card!  WHOLLY CRAP!!!  I was just blown completely away and am so very grateful to them!!!

5. And this my friends is the best news of my day…  We FOUND a rental house!!!  We sign the lease tomorrow and get the keys and as soon as the rental furniture can be delivered we can move in!!!  I know it probably seems silly, but when you have lost everything, just having something to call your own after something like this is a feeling I can’t even describe!!!  It’s a lovely home that’s amazingly clean and well cared for.  It is not a new home so it has some settling issues and needs some work the owner hasn’t had the time to put in to it yet and it’s too big for he and his daughter after a separation from his S/O, so he decided to rent it out, so much to our benefit.  It has a large backyard for my dogs and the kids, a park down the road, and lots of space for all of us.  Joey is so excited we literally almost had to drug him to get him to sleep tonight!!!  We should be all moved in by Monday!  The Wal-Mart gift cards will be priceless to me in the next few days, the insurance company pays the rent, and rents us furniture, but we will have to buy groceries including the staples you never have to buy more than once or twice a year (LOL), toilet paper, dishes, linens, etc…  so I just can’t stress enough how great the timing of those cards were and how appreciative we truly are!!  We should be able to get the bulk of what we need without spending our very limited cash supply so things are definitely looking up and I can see some light at the end of what has been a very dark tunnel.

I still have my bad days, this morning started out with me weeping and feeling like I couldn’t help my 8-year-old through this, he has to work through it on his own and all we can do is try to be there for him, but by mid-afternoon I was feeling better when I knew there was the prospect of some good news for us all and by the time we saw the house and the look on Joey’s face, my spirits were lifted so much I didn’t stop talking all night!  LOL

So while it is still very much a raw, gaping, wound and we are still healing, we are doing so while being surrounded by love and support from SO many people, SO many friends, SO many family members, and SO much community, it’s becoming a little less raw and painful each day.

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One Response to “A few clouds, and a bit of sunshine I hope”

  1. Optimiron Says:

    It is good to know that your community is looking after you, Steph. Good luck. My family’s prayers are with you.


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