Who are these kids and why are they calling me mom?

Sometimes you just have to put on your big girl panties and deal with it

Just for Terra… February 27, 2008

Filed under: Adoption,Kids,Life — Steph @ 1:55 pm

Just cuz Terra asked…

 I haven’t written just because I have nothing good to say to be honest. 

I am having a difficult time and I would hate for everyone to know my life’s not perfect (ha ha).  I don’t have anything witty to say and I really don’t have anything positive to say so I just figured it was better to not say anything at all.  You know the old “if you can’t say anything nice…” thing.

I am sick of the weather, UGH!  I like Winter a lot usually but this Winter is kicking my butt.  It snows and is freezing cold all of the time and then bam, it’s 40 degrees, melting off and we have ice everywhere and then a stupid skiff of snow.  Anyone know what happens when you add a layer of snow to melted snow?  You get ice.  ICK!  I am really just ready for it to decide what it’s going to do.

I spent Valentine’s Day in tears over something most would consider ridiculous.  Without going in to all of the gory details, when I was in Colorado with my dying grandpa Joe pulled a shi**y which he rarely does, but he did.  It’s not the end of the world by a long shot but I was already at my lowest and got kicked by the person who’s supposed to be there for me.  That sucked, and I thought I was OK and could blow it off because it’s really not such a huge deal, apparently I was lying to myself as it just all hit me at once and I literally just couldn’t stop crying.

To be really honest I think I have just been really knocked down and I am having trouble getting back up.  Losing two grandparents and a really good friend in two months was a lot to handle.  Having a sick mother and mother-in-law over Christmas and trying to do everything for everyone was a lot to handle, and I think it’s just catching up with me now.

The worst part of it all is that as I write this I KNOW a good friend is going through something MUCH, MUCH, worse although I don’t know what and I am realizing I’ve been a crappy friend while dealing with my life.  I didn’t ask what was going on in hers and I’m feeling horrible for that and really hoping she’s OK and knows I am here even if I was too selfish to let her know that when she needed it.

So…  you asked!  🙂  I’m really going to be OK.  I am lucky, there are people out there who have it much worse, I’m just taking a wallow in my self pity I guess! 

Oh, and did you know when you adopt a baby you get screwed by the IRS and the state?  UGH!  I am irritated so I have to rant.  There is a measly adoption credit which don’t get me wrong is nice to have but even with them raising the credit it still barely scratches the surface.  Our adoption was CHEAP compared to most and it still didn’t touch it.  I don’t know how all of you do it who have to spend SO much more.  So, the state of California is a disaster and getting any kind of legal document out of them is next to impossible.  You get a form letter saying “we appreciate your application and it’s currently sitting on a desk in the mail room under the other million applications, and you MAY get your document sometime before you die”.  Not really, but it feels like that.  Long story short, we have no birth certificate for Elizabeth still.  We were supposed to get it in January but it’s not here.  We applied last March, that’s truly how long it takes, a minimum of 10 months.  We didn’t know that last year so we extended our taxes waiting on it so we could get a SS card for her.  Once we got this letter we went ahead and did them without her SS# which means you can’t claim her as a dependant.  We figured we’d have it by now so we waited and waited and still nothing.  Even if it came today it would still do no good as taxes are due by April and a SS card takes a while.  So once again we filed without her SS#.  That means no electronic filing, no dependant credit for her, etc…  So I now have 2 years worth of tax returns I have to have amended when she is finally recognized by the government as a US born citizen.  UGH!  We could have applied for a TIN# for her in her birth name but we’d have had to change it all anyway so it’s a lesser of two evils thing.  It just annoys me because it will cost more money to amend them when/if we finally get it and it makes more paperwork for me. 

There are a lot of worse things out there I know, but it annoys me they don’t have a better system in place for adoptive parents.  When you spend as much money as people do on adoption that $1000 credit is a big deal.  KWIM?  Once again I just keep reminding myself it could have been SO much worse.  Instead of two years worth of tax returns to amend we could have had a snag in the adoption and not been able to keep our daughter God forbid, so in the grand scheme of things it’s a petty, stupid gripe I know.

Joey’s really sick again, this has been a bad year for him which is a bummer.  We had such a good year last year, we even stopped his asthma meds completely, and this year, UGH.  Even with the meds he’s been sick A LOT.  So much so the school keeps bugging me.  I have to get a note from a doctor for him to miss a day of school.  Thankfully his doctor is awesome and has just written a blanket note, but it’s a hassle when the school social worker calls to see if he’s OK and if life is OK.  It makes me feel like a bad parent.  He didn’t have a flu shot because for him it’s a catch 22.  He’s high risk because his immunity is low, but the shot is iffy for him as well since it can actually cause flu like symptoms which could land him in the hospital in an O2 tent.  Now I feel better about not doing the shot knowing it was worthless this year anyway. Half the town is sick so it’s not a stretch to think he’d be sick but I was really hoping he was outgrowing it all and then reality slapped us in the face.  So, we’re back to 4 puffs of Albuterol every 4 hours and him just being miserable and cranky and home from school.  He’s a good student so he can make up the work in absolutely no time, but it sucks to see him so sick and miserable and realize he’s probably not outgrowing it all and it will be a lifelong problem for him.

At least Elizabeth is an extremely healthy child.  Even when Joey is at his sickest she never catches anything (knock on wood).  I honestly believe it’s because she’s not been exposed to it all.  Joey was in daycare as a baby and had RSV 3 times and that’s why he’s so sick all of the time and has asthma.  Elizabeth wasn’t in daycare, was home with me and she’s never sick.  There’s a big something to be said for being able to stay home with her.

So that’s it, I am simply wallowing and haven’t had anything good to say so I’ve refrained!  I promise to get back to my regularly scheduled non-whiny, poor me posting ASAP!


One Response to “Just for Terra…”

  1. Terra Says:

    That is no fun at all, sickness is horrible. Don’t allow yourself to get down darn it! If it makes you feel any better Heaven has been sick enough she talked to the social worker as well. Well between being sick, going to the ortho, the physical therapy (for her knee), and a couple of cysts on her ovaries (that put her down) she missed way to much school the first and second quarters. Of course they (the school) offended me so I was on the defensive, which makes it so I can do no wrong in my eyes, and they are bastards. Therefore, I didn’t feel the “bad parent” thing as much. Good thing they aren’t nicer I would have gone though that feeling too!

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